Flight into Fantasy

In response to an email none of you sent me:
Wandering is where you drift around aimlessly and have no direction. Example: “As soon as the girl thrust her b00bies of d00m in front of his face, he could feel his mind wandering away from the subject at hand.”

Wondering is where you’re curious about something. Example: “As she thrust her b00bies of d00m in front of his face, his mind began wandering down forbidden territory. He found himself wondering, for example, whether the massive mammary glands were, in fact, real.”

this lesson in proper usage was, again, brought to you by my email.

*Sigh*

I swear this book is the longest, most self-indulgent bit of tripe that ever won a Nebula Award.
I’m a bit past page 140, and the urge to strangle the author for continually avoiding any but passing mentions of the plot in favor of her Mary Sue main character navel-gazing is growing.

Dear Helpless Disabled Person:

I’m sorry that you can’t get the book we’re supposed to be reading as a group. However, I do not have any idea what you expect us to do about it. It’s available in some form that will not cost you money. It’s totally not our fault you can’t use the resources you need to gain it. Maybe if you returned some books to the library, you wouldn’t have this problem.

Not a whole lot of love,
Me

Dear Local Library for the Blind:

I check out special equipment so that I can listen to cassette books produced by the National Library Service for the Blind. When I request this equipment, the least you can do is send me a machine that works. As it is, now I have two shoddy tape recorders I’ll be sending back to you for repairs. Which will severely limit my ability to read, and that will severely piss me off. The least you could have done was quality control checked your equipment before you sent it out to me so we wouldn’t have this problem.

Much hate,
Someone who should not have to resort to buying overpriced access technology just so she can read a goddamned book.

Joining to crosspost this there.

Dear Professional Author,
Y’know, the last hundred pages or so of the book are probably not the best
place to introduce new characters. I really don’t understand what the
purpose of this last story arc is aside from giving your character
omgmoreangst! Which he doesn’t need, clearly.

Also, I clearly do not have the patience for twue wuv because, were I the
love interest of the character you’re needlessly torturing, I would have hit
him over the head with a blunt object and run away to forge a bond of
soul-matey goodness with someone a little less exasperating.

Sincerely,
A fan who really does enjoy this author’s work… It’s just that I can’t
quite read it without rolling my eyes.

Dear Mr. Pratchet,
Please smack your fans for me. They should have told me to start reading Discworld books with anything featuring Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg. I’m sorry, but I did not enjoy The Color of Magic or The Light Fantastic though they did have their amusing moments. But the short story you submitted to the Legends anthology “The Sea and Little Fishes” was quite possibly one of the funniest things I’ve read recently.

Sincerely,
Someone who’d like to work up to being a fan.

Dear Cat,

It’s your fault I find myself suddenly wanting to read fanfic again. You and that damned J. K. rowling. And then you went and gave me fic recs. If I lag behind in my nanoing, I’ll know exactly who to blame. Anyway, I now have your fanfiction.net profile, so I’ll have to start leaving you reviews… Oh, wait, I was aiming for guilt trip with this letter, not to-do list.

Sincerely,
Bardsong,
Who would just like to add that she thinks Cat McDougall rocks immensely.

Dear Mr. Goodkind,

I do not think that I will be reading your Sword of Truth books, because the name Darken Rahl is complete and utter cheese. Better luck next time with the villainous names, mkay.

Love,
Me

Dear Shannon,
go to bed and quit pestering the nice people on LJ. They’ll all thank you for doing so in the morning.

Sincerely,
Your muse